i very rarely get deep on this blog...but here it goes...
i went to my mom's grave for the first time in about 3 years on saturday. for no reason, i was driving to the uprising by myself and just decided to go. there is no real reason that i haven't gone...just that she's not there and oh it makes me cry (something i HATE to do). i drove up to the plot and got out of the car and that is exactly what i started to do. i quickly got back in the car and went on my way. it is only tonight that i have been alone, uninterrupted in the quiet that i realized how my grieving is different. instead of just missing her (which i still do) and all the things that you go through when a death is recent i began to mourn the present and mostly the future. i will never have an adult relationship with my mom and she doesn't see who i am now or who i am going to be. most importantly i have 3 children she will never know (in this life) and who will never know her. i hate that. i hate that her voice is getting harder to hear and her face harder to see...
6 comments:
Interesting Kristin, Pam and I went into the cemetary to see Karens grave. It was the first time since her funeral.
There are times I feel sadness concerning my parents death.
Wanting them to see our children and grandchildren. They knew Joel, Andre and Angela.
I think that is natural desire. They would be in their 80's and very much a part of our lives I'm sure.
Love
Ken
I miss her too. Just wanted to say I love you
I wish I could just close my eyes and immediately have a vivid picture of her, hear her voice, as she reached out and gave me a big hug! Something that once seemed so insignificant now means so much. I think she does see us and your awesome kids and she smiles everyday! I love you Mom!
i'm glad you posted this.
love, alicia
I truly understand how you feel. It is not an easy path that one must walk through. My heart goes out to you, Kristin, because I feel your pain. Just like you, my mom never saw my kids.
It is okay to grieve and everyone does it differently.
Aunt Nilza
thank you for sharing this with us Kristin! This post really touched me for many reasons...
there is something that your dad has said a few times over the years... that he believes that there are certain times/occasions that God opens the curtain and allows our loved ones to see what's going on with us. Of course he says it in a more refined way... but it's something that i dearly hold on to...
Love
Desiree
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