i had been feeling the tug...sometimes i felt it more than others, but for the most part it is always there. balance...i do not really believe in that word. i believe in seasons. seasons of work, seasons of rest, etc.
so, my pull is my family vs. the desires of people and ministry that god has put into my hands and my heart.
i am who i am and will make no apologies for the way was made and the way that i think and feel. that being said, i am not content in being only a wife and a mom. i love it, i love it so much...it is the best! that is not the question, the question is what about the other part of me that is a child of god with a calling and destiny. the part of me that is only truly fulfilled when in the presence of god or seeing someone saved, set free and delivered. the part of me that loves healing services cause i can let loose...forget about andre and my kids and expectations... and lay hands on someone.
so, my pull is what is too much and what is too little in this time of my life. i want to give of myself to the people around me. sitting at home with my kids in a *bubble* does not challenge me and cause me to grow (kinda does the opposite by making me focused on myself). i used to think that meant that there is something wrong with me....i didn't get that 'i was born to be a mom and i don't wnat to do anything else' gene ;) so, it is who i am and it has to do with who god created me to be and what he created me to do. during the 21 day fast i settled that with myself. i love my kids, i know that i am training them up and them seeing us serve in the ministry and them being in church (what some may consider way too much) is doing more for them then me sitting and doing puzzles.
1 comment:
sometimes i wonder if that "tug" will be felt throughout our lives , or at least untill our children are grown and independent.
I always can tell when i've spent too much time just at home taking care of Micah and house stuff when i start caring too much about the house being clean or annoyed about another sink of dirty dishes...or pushing Micah to sit upall the time... hehe... then i realize i need to go pray, read the Word, visit/encourage someone or do something outside of me and my own family....the kingdom of God is so big and awesome and i know what you mean... i don't want my vision to be limited only to my home as much as that is important too...
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